i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
