3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
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Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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