we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
