we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
