I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
