i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.