I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
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I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.