I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.