Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.