You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?