hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize