don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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