Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.

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(408): View more from California

You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.

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(519): View more from Ontario

You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.

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These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
Read it at the TFLN blog
(903): View more from Texas

I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.

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(44): View more from United Kingdom

I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.

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(469): View more from Texas

Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf

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(949): View more from California

So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.

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