4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
