i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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