Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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