his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
