What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
