Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
