Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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