True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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