her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize