Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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