im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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