I got chris browned last night
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
