Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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