god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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