We're facebook friends in real life
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Randomize
