You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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