I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
