i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
