I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
