I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize