hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
