New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
