Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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