he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just tell him i said nine months
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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