My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
