8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
