community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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