Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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