I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
