Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
