I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
