I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
