You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
