Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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