I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
