he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
