I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
