So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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