Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
