shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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