Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
