i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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