ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
