just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
