I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
