I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
