If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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