There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
