the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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