I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
