you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just found a bag of teeth...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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