you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
