1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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