I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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