Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time to smoke my breakfast
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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