Christians are straight up FREAKS
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
